Marriage and alcohol: two ingredients that, when combined, often lead to hilarity, hijinks, and heartwarming moments. There’s something about the union of these two elements that brings out the best (and sometimes the worst) in couples, resulting in a plethora of amusing anecdotes, witty observations, and laugh-out-loud moments.
We embark on a journey into the world of marriage and alcohol, exploring the myriad ways in which they intersect to create comedy gold, hence funny quotes about marriage and alcohol. From the quirky rituals of couples sharing a bottle of wine to the humorous misunderstandings fueled by late-night cocktails, there’s no shortage of material when it comes to the humorous side of love and libations.
But beyond the laughter, there’s a deeper truth to be found in the union of marriage and alcohol. It’s not just about the jokes and the jests; it’s about the bonds forged over shared glasses and shared experiences. Whether it’s raising a toast to celebrate life’s milestones or commiserating over a rough day with a stiff drink in hand, marriage and alcohol have a way of bringing couples closer together, one chuckle at a time.
Funny Quotes About Marriage and Alcohol
- Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.” – Milton Berle
- “Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended to properly, it only gets better with age.” – Unknown
- “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
- “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy, and sometimes enjoy a glass of wine together.” – Unknown
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener, especially after a few drinks.” – Unknown
- “I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits
- “Marriage is like a friendly bartender: you think that the other is flirting but all they really want is some cash.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like a cocktail; it’s all about finding the right balance of ingredients.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
- “In marriage, sometimes you’re the champagne, and sometimes you’re the headache.” – Unknown
- “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” – Maryon Pearson
- “Alcohol is like marriage: you can’t predict where it will take you, but it’s always an adventure.” – Unknown
- “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
- “Marriage is like a full-bodied wine; it’s best when savored slowly and enjoyed with good company.” – Unknown
- “Alcohol may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot in marriage.” – Unknown
- “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
- “Marriage is like a shot of tequila: sometimes it burns, but it’s always better with a lime and salt.” – Unknown
- “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra
- “In marriage, it’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about who can pour the better cocktail.” – Unknown
- “I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra
- “Marriage is like a fine wine; it gets better with age, but too much of it can give you a headache.” – Unknown
- Most times love needs a little bit of a kick.” – Unknown
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
- “Marriage is like an expensive bottle of whiskey: it gets better with age, but some people just prefer vodka.” – Unknown
- “Alcohol is the secret ingredient that makes marriage more bearable.” – Unknown
- “Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini?” – Robert Benchley
- “Marriage is like a fine wine; it’s all about the blend, balance, and occasional bubbles.” – Unknown
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
- “Marriage is like a cocktail party; you never know who you’ll end up talking to by the end of the night.” – Unknown
- “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
- No one ever had a memorable night that started with, ‘Let’s have a glass of milk!'” – Unknown
- “Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.” – Finley Peter Dunne
- “Marriage is like having cocktails at Applebees: It’s not exactly cheap, but you never have to drink alone.” – Unknown
- “My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Joyce Brothers
- “I’m so grateful that all those years ago I found that one amazing person I want to mix my martinis for the rest of my life.” – Unknown
- “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” – Benjamin Franklin
- “I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.” – Unknown
- “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then I always had someone to pour my wine.” – Unknown
- “Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.” – Johnny Carson
- “Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended to properly, it only gets better with age.” – Unknown
- “I like my whiskey old and my women young, just like my wife.” – Errol Flynn
- “If love is patient, why do we always have shots on our anniversary?” – Unknown
- “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” – William Butler Yeats
- “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” -” Aaron Howard
- “Sometimes ‘I’m sorry’ is easier said over a drink.” – Unknown
- “I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
- ” ‘I love you’ is best whispered over a glass of wine.” – Unknown
- “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin
- Sometimes you need a little liquid courage to say, ‘I’m sorry’.” – Unknown
In the delightful intersection of marriage and alcohol, we’ve uncovered a treasure trove of laughter, wit, and wisdom. Through 50 funny quotes, we’ve explored the humorous side of love, partnership, and the occasional tipple.
Beyond the laughter, these quotes remind us of the enduring truths of relationships. Marriage, like a fine wine, requires patience, balance, and a healthy dose of humor. Alcohol, whether as a celebratory toast or a comforting nightcap, has a way of bringing couples closer together, sparking conversations, and creating cherished memories.
As we raise our glasses to the joys and challenges of married life, let us not forget the power of laughter to light up our relationships. Whether it’s sharing a chuckle over a shared bottle of wine or finding humor in the everyday quirks of marriage, laughter truly is the best medicine for keeping the flames of love burning bright.
So, here’s to love, laughter, and the endless adventures that await couples on the journey of marriage and alcohol. May your glasses be full, your hearts light, and your spirits forever lifted by the joy of togetherness. Cheers to a lifetime of love, laughter, and happily ever after
